Mums-in-waiting part 3

So its been a looooonnng time since I last wrote. A lot of the reason is because I was in recovery. We lost our third baby on October 18th 2013. And this was just two much to bear, not only was it complicated and took two months to complete it was also our third!! Our third! How many more will we lose? In the UK after you have had three miscarriages they refer you to the miscarriage clinic. Where they run a number of tests to see if there is an underlying cause to the miscarriage.

We allowed the hospital to test the tissue I had lost to see what the cause of the miscarriage was and it turned out our baby died of trisomy 22. Which is a sever disability (21 is down syndrome) this led doctors to believe we were genetically incompatible. And so we went for genetic testing. For 6 weeks the doctors let us believe we couldn't have children. Even they were surprised when the results came back negative - meaning we were compatible.

During the testing they discovered a polyp in my uterus which needed removing and so I had surgery. All of the other tests came back negative, and so the conclusion - nothing is wrong with us. However that whole process took 6 months and so now we are back TTC. Currently on my third cycle and I can tell you after 2 and half years, three miscarriages, an invasive operation and a barrage of test - IT DOES NOT GET ANY EASIER. Sorry for not being encouraging, but right now that's how it feels.

However I did listen to a wonderful message recently about 'Waiting Well' and this gave me a new perspective. How am I navigating this season? Will I look back and think 'I waited well'. I wonder sometimes if I have bored my friends to tears with my constant wishing and hoping and loss after loss. My husband often says all we have is hope and so every month I hope and I believe. And then the question, why do I want this so bad? It seems the more time goes on the more I want a baby.

I signed up to do a Masters to take my mind off of it but that didn't help. I was trying to buy a puppy but that has been unsuccessful. Everything just seems to pale into insignificance compared to wanting a baby. Why is that? Why do I feel as though I have failed as a woman because I have been unable to carry a baby?

In the end I surrender all and say Your will, Your way. I can't do this anymore. I just need to focus on my current blessings and focus on the hear and now, why act as if you have been robbed of something you never had (a quote I heard recently) all we have is the hear and now.

On July 16th it will be two years since our first miscarriage and on July 19th it will be a year since our second miscarriage. You were loved even before we got to say hello.

Merry Christmas 2013

Merry Christmas everyone! Here is our Christmas tree - bulbuls from John Lewis vintage range. Enjoy, see you in the new year.

Christmas party gifts! Home-made...

So this year for our Christmas party I gave all the guest a small gift I had made. I used the ceramic cups left over from our wedding 4 years ago (which I still have over a 100 of) but they were 25p from Ikea at the time. I then placed a small bulbul inside and then filled with chocolate coins (£1 a bag) I then wrapped the cups in gold mesh from John Lewis (£9 for 3 metres) and then finished off with red ribbon from Tiger (15 metres approx £3-£5). This made 20; and here is the result:

Making a house a home

We don't own a TV - We haven't done since we got married, and prior to that we lived with landlords as lodgers and so didn't watch TV. So all in no TV since Early 2007. I'm not a fan of TV, a lot of people tend to have it on in the background all of the time and to them it's just background noise, to me it is a complete distraction. I also believe TV is the one of the biggest reasons that people don't communicate at home as it's much easier to watch TV than it is to have a conversation with your partner.

Having said all of that, my husband is a complete film fanatic and this year bought a projector for which he could watch all the films he purchase on iTunes! And so has set about creating a space to hang the projector and sound system to go with it. This is my husband sorting out the wires!

My husband is a techie geeky person though and through.

So whilst adding a cinema room we also needed to change the taps in the kitchen as turning taps I can no longer do thanks to RSI from my day job (designer). So we got this beauty from Ikea and my friend Norman who is a plumber fitted it! Yay

And just for fun this is the beautiful place we live (view from one of the windows):

Bring out the flowers!

During August we managed to wallpaper the long wall between the kitchen and the lounge - all nine and half metres of it! We used Laura Ashley's Summer Palace Eau De Nil Floral and although it looks lovely when finished it was a nightmare to line up - definitely paying some one to do wall papering in the future! The result:

Making a clasp purse!

So after a short trip to Spain to recover.

I decided to make some purses with the clasps I bought there. I learned how to draw my own pattern from this blog and watched a couple of you tube videos. And this is my first attempt:

So I have drawn my pattern and chosen my inner and outer fabric and the clasp.

 

Cut out your pattern

Then cut out two inners and two outers using your pattern

Place the inner right side facing on to the outer like so

 

Stitch all around the edge leaving a gap so you can pull the fabric right side round.

I have left my gap on the right edge near the top. Once you have pulled the fabric around the right way place the other fabric back to back and stitch together making sure not to stitch past the clasp area!

Once the two pieces are together you can stitch in your clasp:

I used large pins to hold the fabric in place whilst I hand stitched around. And hopefully you will have something like this:

New fabric! Eek!

All the way from New York's Purl Soho Shop. Love. Check out their blog Purl Bee.

What will I make!?