Sunday, 23 June 2013


I have decided to use my blog to journal my current life situation. I read somewhere this is suppose to help when you are going through what we are going through.

Children are lovingly made by us so I don't think it is too out of context with the site!

So we have been trying (I really don't like that word) for a baby for 18 months so far. Which I realise isn't long for some people but for us each month that passes and I am not pregnant is a disappointing month. I have tried looking online for encouragement and support from various sites, and to my amazement there isn't much out there in the way of support. Just a lot of forums for worried mums-in-waiting.

There are a lot of forums on 'the two week wait' but a lack of encouragement. And for me it is not a two week wait (as this only depends on when you ovulate, so if you ovulate early then your wait is longer and shorter if you ovulate late) I wont go into cycles - not always helpful. Any way, I have a three week wait every month to see if we have been successful (32 day cycle). And this can seem like a life time. When we first started, the first 6-9 months were ok, I was managing it all fine but after nine months and packets of ovulation sticks and a fertility kit later I was at my end. We hit a year and I thought - what is wrong with us! At 14 months we went to doctors who referred us to an infertility clinic, I have an appointment in August (which will be month 20). So 18 months in and no sign of pregnancy and some rather scary looking appointments up ahead and no one to lean on.

A lot of our friends got pregnant quite quickly (within the first 6-8 months) all of a similar age to us. Only two couples needed a helping hand. One of which has left the country.

So what to do, talking about it doesn't seem to alleviate it as there appears no solutions (just keep trying). I did read somewhere that you should plan in some fun things to do during your 'two week wait'. But when your 'two week wait' has been going on for 18 months you wonder when is it going to be my turn. Perhaps I am worrying prematurely and I just need to give it more time. They tell you to think about something else and it will happen in no time - how do you change your brain to think about something else?

I never use to like shopping, but I have taken to shopping as a way of therapy - if I just focus on buying enough things for the house I wont be thinking about babies and children. Which results in endless trips to ikea, john lewis and next. Which is not good for my bank account.

I have tried to see the appreciation in waiting - I can learn from others, read and educate myself ready for when it does happen, make the most of my marriage and enjoy the time we have, plan in plenty of date nights and sleep in late, go on holidays all over the world. And all of that is great I would just love to do it as a family, with our children.

My husband loves holidays he is always planning the next one. He loves working hard and then taking time out to do nothing for a while. I'm grateful for all the time we have now together alone, because I know having a child can turn your world upside down. Am I ready for the challenges that lay ahead? WE had been married 2 and a half years before we started trying, we allowed ourselves a year. As I believe most couples do. I am aware that for some couples it is years and years of trying and for some it never happens at all. 

I think I have written enough for today.