Friday, 9 August 2013

Mum's-in-waiting part 2

Ok so since I last wrote about this a lot has happened. We were in the process of waiting for fertility tests, and the day my husband was to have his test he asked me to do a pregnancy test, just to be sure we needed to do the tests (he wasn't keen on doing them) and so I did, to discover I was pregnant!! How amazing was that after 19 months of trying when we least expected it we were pregnant and saved from the dreaded fertility tests!

Our shock and excitement only lasted 10 days before we discovered I was losing the baby at 6 weeks, which is the most awful tragedy I think possible. To have waited for what felt like a long time to find out you can finally conceive! To discover your body getting rid of the one thing you wanted. We had to say goodbye before we ever got to say hello and it was devastating. And now we are back to square one. The doctors only start doing tests after 3 miscarriages. So we have no tests coming up and no baby to look forward to.

We hadn't told anyone were pregnant, not even my parents (which is a shock if you know me). So it was a hard situation to go through on our own. Next time we will tell someone sooner. Having said that when we did tell people what had happened we got some very mixed responses, one person said I "must be feeling guilty" and another person said "well at least you know it's you who is the problem and not your husband". I think they thought these were comforting words??! At least I had a few sensible empathetic friends on hand, who cried with us and felt our pain, and encouraged us in this time. Death, such a hard thing, if you're not sure what to say best to not say anything and just let the person know you're there for them.

Some people said to us 'well at least now you know you can get pregnant'... this is rather bitter sweet. Whilst I see their point the truth is I'm not pregnant.

I read somewhere that a lot of women want to wait a while after a miscarriage - not me I just want to be pregnant again. Maybe because I want to fill the void this loss has created. Who knows but I hope to report back here in part 3 with better news. Thank you for reading.

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